Certificate in Careers Counselling

EMPATHY

Having empathy for other human beings (and animals) is an important skill for anyone working with others. Empathy is the ability to step into the shoes of another person, to imagine how they may be feeling. If we are not able to do that, it is hard to communicate well with others. We can never REALLY know what another person feels and experiences, but we can try to imagine how we would feel, how we think they would feel. We can only find out if we ask them and they tell us truthfully.  But will most people answer us truthfully?  They may not want to tell us how they truly feel? They may be scared we will judge them? They may not want to tell us the truth about how bad they feel?  How many times have you asked someone how they are, only to be told “I’m fine”, when obviously they are not fine? People will often respond in certain ways out of politeness or because they don’t want to divulge how they truly feel.

However, we should try to consider how they might feel.  Imagine a friend has lost her keys and breaks down in tears. If you sit there thinking “What a drama queen, it’s only her keys”, you might not fully appreciate why she is crying. What if she has to pick up her daughter from preschool in ten minutes and she needs her car keys? What if she doesn’t have a spare set of keys? What if the keys are on a sentimental key ring given to her by her mother? What if she has had a really bad day and this is the final straw? A simple example, but by just assuming she is overreacting, we are not really considering WHY she is acting the way she is. OK, there are some people who may cry about something like that, with no other reason, but we need to try to imagine why people feel the way they do.  So when working with others, in a counselling situation or just in our daily lives, we should really try to consider what they are feeling and perhaps why they might be behaving the way they do. 

Related to respect is respecting people’s wishes. A client or another person may make a decision we don’t agree with. But it is THEIR decision and no matter what we think, they have the right to make that decision.  Now there are some amendments to this, obviously if a client or another person tells us that they are going to harm another person or themselves, we might have to take action about this, perhaps tell the police, call an ambulance, social services etc.  So we have to use our common sense and ethical standards when considering respecting other people’s wishes. But in general terms, we should respect them. For example, Shania is married to a man she loves. She has a good job, good career, lots of friends, but she is just not happy. She decides that she is going to leave all her family and friends to live on the other side of the world, saying she wants to “find herself.” Everyone tells her she is “mad” as her husband is lovely, she has a great life, etc. But SHE is not happy. Her life is obviously not what she wants. We cannot really understand why she is unhappy, but we should respect her decision to do this.